To Be Alone With You

I've been yelling demands to thin air. I don't know if it's vanity, mood swings, this birth control, spiritual emptiness or what? I have been fighting with Philip more than usual lately have noticed his strain thats becoming more than apparent but flesh and blood another person when we fight. There's no longer this want to keep me in the same room to work things out instead it's more of nonchalance and me being looking like a hysterical girlfriend. We've had one big fight that I think blew over all the other little ones and after making up we've come to an understanding of each other. He gets that I need a kiss to know he's not really mad or that I need some kind of physical contact coming from him first to help me get over being mad at him. I mean I admit it I'm dramatic I will cry about him not paying attention to me okay maybe not but I'm pretty sure I can cry about some dumb shit I've just made up to be a huge sore in this relationship but really theres nothing kisses don't heal... don't hate ya'll

but really I don't know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes, lord knows this man loves me unconditionally because he's the only guy who could handle my mess when I'm unwelcoming.

We talked about breaking up recently and I knew it could never be over... I mean at the sake of sounding like a crazy killing ex girlfriend I really do not see myself with anyone else and I know we're going to be Mr & Mrs.. down to he's my emergency person on my health insurance and I'm his on his bank accounts and I mean who can argue joint blockbuster memberships? If that isn't commitment I don't know what is. This is modern romance... I watch these Bridezilla shows and hear all these awful stories from both guys and girls about their insane other. In comparison I rather deal with our silly arguments over issues like controlling, jealous + malicious intents. I think this man is perfect for me he knows everything and I know him I love him too much to ever be okay with letting him walk out without a fight.


So I'm in love. I'm re-mapping my life, I'm designing my future re structuring my goals one by one and I feel like I'm moving I feel like I've been able to get passed a giant sore of a hurdle