Thursday, July 23, 2009

excuse me miss

I am so glad that there is no one holding on to my coat tails dragging themselves trying to get ahead through me. An episode of my life eludes me. I have went through hate and anger and the residue are dabs instead of wads but thats okay with me for right now. I don't like bringing stupid shit up but it seems to run out of my mouth from time to time. Although as internet creeps that we've all adopted within ourselves none of us can help but dig and laugh at the unfortunate that have never sat well with us. I feel bad for feeling good but thats the merry go 'round isn't it? It can be my over analytical treasure skill or just my amateur hating skills but these girls are sitting ducks with their own hands on the trigger. I don't sabotage, vindicate or go out of my way to "help" anyone for that matter I've learned from a very telling song that people will gladly do that to themselves if you just sit and wait and it's been truthful to date.

I recently met someone who just kept waving her red flags around and as sad as her sob stories were and as much as I hope her all the best I gave her a wrong number because she said she wanted to keep in touch so I rearranged two numbers around when I gave it to her. To me I dodged a bullet after petting it. Age and Love have taught me to be cordial and witty and although I may not say goodbye in the most politically correct way I don't give reasons to hate me and ignore the cliff people are backing into if they're ignoring it themselves.

Some things just don't seem to be worth risking my name or my energy. I just don't like people that ask too much of me I've noticed a pattern in the friends I keep they're all people I can admire in one way or another and are my peers not my successors and not sad cases with no luck. Being alone without a best friend for such a long time has given me good traits now that I do find myself with someone I can call a best friend I'm not as dependent as before and I've realized she is such a positive person that shares these values.

I'm not going to say that it's a good thing some thing's never change in some people because it's their demise but it just is what it is as much as I want to reach out and hold my hand out for them in some ways it's already what I'm doing but they've turned the lights out in their own tunnel and as I've mentioned before I will turn the other way if you're already faced the other way. There's no point in leading a horse to water if it doesn't want to drink it.



tomorrow I'm hosting either a bbq or a small dinner party depending on the weather for Philip's 2 cousins that are his actual 1st cousins. I'm hoping for the best.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

bring your fancy pants



the pic is of my in my empty room in alfred a day before I left... months have passed and I don't feel regretful and it feels like all of the angst I had for years was flushed out I don't have the same desires to flee from new york city as I did before. I guess it's good riddance than. I'm building blocks again and setting up a reward for my best efforts already. I started serving at Planet Hollywood again in hopes that people are good to me and it's $700/a week for me again cuz lord knows I need the cash. I can't wait to fast forward some more schooling over again I need to get this debt outta the way and I'll be set. I need motivation right now I need to keep focused but I know I'm just distracting myself from the things I really need to do and now with summer over I'm afraid everything thats been ignored is gonna smack me in the face this fall.. *sigh* I need some hope

Monday, July 6, 2009

Primer Dia De Verano



I am inlove, love love love with you