LOVE I can't get enough of it

I believe god gave me the ability to go far in life and I believe the law of attraction is real. I believe that god watches what I do with the abilities he's given me and has shed light on paths for me to which I decide if I want to follow his direction.

I believe deep inside that there is a reason for every encounter in my life.

There is a reason I took the L train at 8th Avenue to go home with a bunch of girls I just met instead of taking the M train straight home alone.

I met the love of my life on the L train at 8th Avenue, and those random girls helped me meet him.

I believe my mother was moved so much by the book the Secret that she enlightened me with it and taught me we call upon our own "luck" that there is a law of attraction.That moment has influenced every major life decision I've had since then.

I quit jobs on not just an instinct but with confidence that I deserve better, I WILL get better and I WILL succeed.

and I have found something I love to do.

Now, I am coming into this part in my life where I'm excited, anxious, desperate, passionate, enthralled, emotional, head over heels in love. Can you imagine feeling every damn feeling in the span of 20 minutes? It's exhausting and overwhelming.

I will look at him and look at us a year from now and laugh and think why was it such a big deal.

I feel like what it is that I'm calling into action in my life as it's happening and it's so. damn. exciting. I really can't contain myself.

"Everyone wanna know what my Araceli's heel is, LOVE I can't get enough of it" -Jay Z

Deuces

Nothing to do now but move on without you.

BABY MANIA

Here are the waves I've gone through

1. Joy. I'm going to finally have a baby in the family-- finally a baby that I will have a chance to bond, babysit, love, show off, spoil, share with, that is going to be around and not just once a year.. I will get to see them grow up and be a part of their life
2. Let down. So it's not okay for me to throw you a party? because it's your baby and you want to be a control freak? well--- I never thought I was trying to steal your baby, but it's just a party?! How did I manage to step on your toes? If this is bad--- what are you going to be like when the baby gets here?!
3. Panic. I'm never going to see this child! The whole reason I was so happy is on the chopping bloc and wont ever come to realize. Your ruining this beautiful relationship already and the baby isn't even born!
4. Anger. Well if you are going to be like that then fuck you and you can stick it all up your tightly wound up ass. I'm not going to your stupid baby shower and I wont talk to you or my brother.
5. Coming to terms. Well if I can't do anything about you then let me try to salvage the relationship with my brother. Oh my brother is an idiot. Yeah, I forgot about that one.
6. Indifference. You want me to go to your baby shower? OK. My brother doesn't call me? OK. I don't ever see you? OK. I'm not around anymore? OK. You know what? I don't care. 

Indifference. that's where it ends. I cared about this soooo much that I can't muster up enough care about it anymore. I'm disappointed more than angry and I'm hurt more than disappointed.

In your 20's

1. Take advantage of that open bar…

2. There are going to be good and bad people wherever you go. You can’t run forever.

3. Imagining your life as a sit-com makes 98% of bad situations better. Some days just f-cking suck. So pretend it’s Christmas.

4. Set your expectations low and your standards high (especially on dating). 

5. Seeing and admitting your flaws is important. Mine? Extreme fickleness, uncontrollable anxiety, being overambitious and too self-critical, talking bullsh-t, overcommitment, blah blah blah. But self-reflection is key for personal change. What are yours?

6. If someone cares about you, they’ll make time for you. If they don’t, then they won’t. But with that said, no one can make time for you all the time. 

7. Club Monaco dresses and Chanel makeup are not good reasons to be broke. But plane tickets, traveling, and new experiences are. 

8. Knowing when and how to sound like a pretentious asshole is useful. But so is knowing your place.

9. There’s a huge difference between loving someone and being in love. And having a tumultuous and volatile love life is really not something to be proud of, although it can be fun at times…

10. If you’re going to give, then just give. Don’t expect anything in return.

11. Alone time is crucial. Dates with yourself are the best. Go sit at your favorite café for another hour. Have that bubble bath. Take the long way home.

12. Karma is very, very real.

13. Listen to advice, even if you don’t like it or it sounds ridiculous to you. (ex. “You should really try a yoga class.” “Are you kidding me…” Well, today, I tried a yoga class. And I liked it.)

14. Not everyone is going to like you. And that is perfectly okay.

15. Killing with kindness is approximately 99% more effective than being a bitch.

16. Being happy doesn’t mean never being sad.

17. The more people you know, the better. Keep meeting strangers and talking.

18. Every single person has a story. Every single person can teach you something new about something you know nothing about. And every single person can teach you something new about yourself. You just have to be open to it.

19. If you want to go to somewhere, then go. Be reasonable, and be smart. But the longer you think about it, and the longer you hold back, the more you are going to hate everyone around you, including yourself. You can’t wait for things to happen. 

20. You really cannot change people, no matter how hard you try. 

21. But you can change yourself

forever

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.” 

My So-Called Life

" Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano" 

Teenagers are so damn deep.

how do you feel about the world family?

What is family?

Does it just apply to our blood relatives?

Or does marrying into your spouse's family change feelings, loyalty and obligations to terms bound originally for just our own 'family'.

How do you transfer all of these things? Does it happen when your signing your marriage certificate? What if you can only fall in love with the groom and not the rest of his 'party'?

The bigger question is, what if it never happens?


What if you never bond with his family, you never feel a sense of loyalty, no sense of obligation. They might as well be furniture to you. If you can't muster up any real feelings after spending so much time with them then what does that say about you?

I know, it says your a dick.

What I really want to say is this:

I wanted to do something nice for you, you didn't seem to think you should find a compromise. This is your world, we just live in it. Your an asshole for not wanting to share a beautiful moment, you've got your claws so deep in this thing that could've been such a beautiful moment to share, such a beautiful thing that we could've all enjoyed together but you want to shut it out afraid that what? we might ruin it?

Your mistake is depriving something of being loved by so many people. No one can ever take this away from you even if they tried but what you're doing is sabotaging this whole thing on your own. I will try very hard to over come my disappointment with you and not let it translate to this thing you're neglecting from us but you'll regret being such a controlling monster.

THIS is BEAUTIFUL and you didn't have to make it you against us.

you made your bed though, I sincerely hope all of this plays out very well for you.



and I don't care if you read this, that's the reason it's up here in the first place.

& and the stars are just like little fish

I remember having purpose, waking up in the morning with my sketch book pushing my bike out of a tiny railroad apartment in ridgewood biking it to La Guardia Community College for my 9am intro to drawing class.

I remember walking and biking almost through all the cracks and corners of LIC and Sunnyside... sitting or standing and thinking to myself "one day I'm going to live here...." & "when I'm 21 I'm going to drink at this bar..." I was fucking imprinting bars, I was a drunk at 19 and I didn't even fucking know it.

Listening to my favorite jams, inspiring me, consuming me, I felt my big sweaters engulf me, I sipped my coffee before fucking hipsters crawled into mainstream... I was beckoning fashion trends before I fucking knew it.

the past ain't as pleasant as how we remember it & I know that but I want my resolutions, and all that easy free simple shit that made me get up and do shit, well I want it back in my blood stream.

How do I make this important to me?


I have goals that I intend to meet tomorrow.

I'll leave you with a promise... tomorrow I better fucking come back with a good story to tell you.

peace out.