NOTICE.

The way we socialize is a funny thing. Sometimes I put a little more effort into it-- I'll dig around to look for topics and ask questions looking for something to connect the other person and I. 

Today I was walking with a co-worker and knowing he was a religious man I asked him about his church. One question, to a story, to a discussion on faith and I said, "Sometimes we can sit and say 'god why is this happening to me' but we need to realize that this bump is god's finger redirecting us to the path he wants us to be on. Sometimes things end for a better chapter to begin." and he looked at me and said, "I feel like you have just given me a prophecy" and I laughed but then I thought about it... If he could have such faith to be so scrupulous I think I could take his lead and start to notice what is happening around me and find some connection to this world. 

Nothing makes me feel more alive than connectivity, the feeling that I am united and a part of a motion for good in life. Religion inspires this feeling from me but taking it a step further I feel like I could be talking to something so external karma, fate, god, whatever it is that makes us feel like we're being taken care of by something other worldly. The future's forecast or the response to your questions could be through a random exchange between a stranger and you or really anything at all. As New Yorkers we become numb to these interactions and we just keep retracing with routine until it takes a giant slap to snap us out of it to notice anything at all. 

I was gently inspired today to pay attention. 

LOVE I can't get enough of it

I believe god gave me the ability to go far in life and I believe the law of attraction is real. I believe that god watches what I do with the abilities he's given me and has shed light on paths for me to which I decide if I want to follow his direction.

I believe deep inside that there is a reason for every encounter in my life.

There is a reason I took the L train at 8th Avenue to go home with a bunch of girls I just met instead of taking the M train straight home alone.

I met the love of my life on the L train at 8th Avenue, and those random girls helped me meet him.

I believe my mother was moved so much by the book the Secret that she enlightened me with it and taught me we call upon our own "luck" that there is a law of attraction.That moment has influenced every major life decision I've had since then.

I quit jobs on not just an instinct but with confidence that I deserve better, I WILL get better and I WILL succeed.

and I have found something I love to do.

Now, I am coming into this part in my life where I'm excited, anxious, desperate, passionate, enthralled, emotional, head over heels in love. Can you imagine feeling every damn feeling in the span of 20 minutes? It's exhausting and overwhelming.

I will look at him and look at us a year from now and laugh and think why was it such a big deal.

I feel like what it is that I'm calling into action in my life as it's happening and it's so. damn. exciting. I really can't contain myself.

"Everyone wanna know what my Araceli's heel is, LOVE I can't get enough of it" -Jay Z

Deuces

Nothing to do now but move on without you.

BABY MANIA

Here are the waves I've gone through

1. Joy. I'm going to finally have a baby in the family-- finally a baby that I will have a chance to bond, babysit, love, show off, spoil, share with, that is going to be around and not just once a year.. I will get to see them grow up and be a part of their life
2. Let down. So it's not okay for me to throw you a party? because it's your baby and you want to be a control freak? well--- I never thought I was trying to steal your baby, but it's just a party?! How did I manage to step on your toes? If this is bad--- what are you going to be like when the baby gets here?!
3. Panic. I'm never going to see this child! The whole reason I was so happy is on the chopping bloc and wont ever come to realize. Your ruining this beautiful relationship already and the baby isn't even born!
4. Anger. Well if you are going to be like that then fuck you and you can stick it all up your tightly wound up ass. I'm not going to your stupid baby shower and I wont talk to you or my brother.
5. Coming to terms. Well if I can't do anything about you then let me try to salvage the relationship with my brother. Oh my brother is an idiot. Yeah, I forgot about that one.
6. Indifference. You want me to go to your baby shower? OK. My brother doesn't call me? OK. I don't ever see you? OK. I'm not around anymore? OK. You know what? I don't care. 

Indifference. that's where it ends. I cared about this soooo much that I can't muster up enough care about it anymore. I'm disappointed more than angry and I'm hurt more than disappointed.

In your 20's

1. Take advantage of that open bar…

2. There are going to be good and bad people wherever you go. You can’t run forever.

3. Imagining your life as a sit-com makes 98% of bad situations better. Some days just f-cking suck. So pretend it’s Christmas.

4. Set your expectations low and your standards high (especially on dating). 

5. Seeing and admitting your flaws is important. Mine? Extreme fickleness, uncontrollable anxiety, being overambitious and too self-critical, talking bullsh-t, overcommitment, blah blah blah. But self-reflection is key for personal change. What are yours?

6. If someone cares about you, they’ll make time for you. If they don’t, then they won’t. But with that said, no one can make time for you all the time. 

7. Club Monaco dresses and Chanel makeup are not good reasons to be broke. But plane tickets, traveling, and new experiences are. 

8. Knowing when and how to sound like a pretentious asshole is useful. But so is knowing your place.

9. There’s a huge difference between loving someone and being in love. And having a tumultuous and volatile love life is really not something to be proud of, although it can be fun at times…

10. If you’re going to give, then just give. Don’t expect anything in return.

11. Alone time is crucial. Dates with yourself are the best. Go sit at your favorite café for another hour. Have that bubble bath. Take the long way home.

12. Karma is very, very real.

13. Listen to advice, even if you don’t like it or it sounds ridiculous to you. (ex. “You should really try a yoga class.” “Are you kidding me…” Well, today, I tried a yoga class. And I liked it.)

14. Not everyone is going to like you. And that is perfectly okay.

15. Killing with kindness is approximately 99% more effective than being a bitch.

16. Being happy doesn’t mean never being sad.

17. The more people you know, the better. Keep meeting strangers and talking.

18. Every single person has a story. Every single person can teach you something new about something you know nothing about. And every single person can teach you something new about yourself. You just have to be open to it.

19. If you want to go to somewhere, then go. Be reasonable, and be smart. But the longer you think about it, and the longer you hold back, the more you are going to hate everyone around you, including yourself. You can’t wait for things to happen. 

20. You really cannot change people, no matter how hard you try. 

21. But you can change yourself

forever

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.” 

My So-Called Life

" Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano" 

Teenagers are so damn deep.