If I could just stay there with you

Love here on earth
Love beyond the grave
There are no roads
My love for you can't pave.


R.I.P. Cookie Memorial

make me feel like i'm fun again

remember pictures? i used to take lots of them.

what if there aren't even ruffles?

There is this nothingness that has rolled into my home. At first it was once in a while and then every night I would get up from bed and just stay up for hours and not really go to sleep. When Philip works late I don't see him except for that hour in between where he's kicked his shoes off and is about to call it a night-- the brief conversations that we get without hearing the ticking sound in the back.

Nothing's wrong, but nothings happening.. usually I get weekends to reconnect with him. This weekend we're heading our separate ways, miles and miles apart. It's so strange for people to understand that I'm going to miss him since I live with him... but I barely ever spend quality time between the week with him.

I don't like all this time I've found for myself. I need a 9-5 soon before I start over analyzing everything.

hope.

"Deep, serious, introspective, and analytical, you accept nothing at face value, and you are always probing into the hidden side or deeper meaning of situations and people. You are fascinated by the mysterious and unknown. You enjoy periods of solitude in peaceful surroundings, and need time to study, reflect, or meditate. You may be given to much daydreaming and flights of the imagination as well. The ocean has a powerful attraction for you. The study of philosophy, psychology, scientific research, metaphysics, or religion appeals to you. You are scientific in your approach to Truth"

"Intimacy might be difficult for you. You can be cynical, selfish, egocentric, withdrawn, aloof, lonely, overly reserved and suspicions.

Maintain your independence, but be careful not to become too inward and isolated."

I think I'm fighting off depression. I don't think I am depressed but I feel it looming over sometimes. I don't have a handle on myself right now and I don't understand the map that life has out for me, I feel like I'm looking at a road and signs everywhere but I have no understanding of anything. I don't know what I want to be in life anymore I don't think that anything is attainable this ballooned ego has been completely deflated and I've gotten rid of all of my ambitions. I don't know if I'm at a desperate time but I'm definitely somewhere close by. I am a really positive person and thats what is keeping me a float but I have to wonder, is this living in la la land?

I need hope

diamonds are forever, they wont leave in the night have no fear they would desert me

"now all i need is ya'll to pronounce my name. Life's moving too fast I need it to slow down. The preacher said we need leaders, right then my body stood still like a paraplegic. Take your diamonds and throw 'em up like your bulimic. "

jesus talk to me. I need a prayer to be answered.

I love love love that Beyonce song "why don't you love me"

her video makes me swoon... all this art packed with some nice

lipstick on, it screams everything... I love her being desperate, careful carelessness,

swag..

I remember being 13 and hanging out with my best friend and her 6 or 7 year old sister, now I go through facebook and this 6 or 7 year old is a grown woman.. I don't know what my mother feels like watching me and my brothers grow up but just watching someone else evolve shocks me when I start to think of having kids... to think that once I start this process of growing a child I can never stop it. When will I be ready to press that 'go' button and never look back? It's such a funny thing to stop to think about...